Back to work

Tomorrow is the day.

I used to wonder how women could stand to be home all day with their kids, but the way the past 4.5 months have flown by I'm starting to understand. The first 3 months are a blur of sleeplessness, nursing, washing diapers. It is the past six weeks that have really been precious...

* waking up first thing in the morning to his mischevious little grin (makes the time on the clock a bit less painful)
* the way he watches me from across the room while he's in someone else's arms
* the movement of his pursed lips as he dreams of nursing
* our "conversations" of nonsense that say so much
* the way my off-key voice can calm him every time with a silly song
* his hand gently brushing my chest or reaching up to my chin as he nurses
* watching him kick and swim in the bathtub, fists tucked under his chin, face in deep concentration

My days are going to seem long without him in my arms, without narrating every part of my day to him. But just like the wonderful feeling I get every time I pick him up after his nap, I hope that feeling will be even bigger when I come home from an entire day away. I hope his grin doesn't fade, and that he's young enough to be glad to see me without the baggage of being upset I was gone.