Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Tonight I felt like a mom

6:45-7:05pm - I figured out what I was making for dinner while nursing my wet-headed son to sleep. After putting him in his bed, I grabbed the laundry on my way out of his room, being careful to hop over the squeaky floorboards. I made my bed - there, now it looks like the room was tidy all day. Hung up the towel, dirty diapers downstairs to wash. Put away the toys in the living room, folded the blanket we'd been playing on. Gave two seconds thought to sitting down to knit for a few minutes, but remembered to thaw the salmon and clean up the dog puke I wasn't able to finish earlier. Put away the clean dishes, set the table, folded some laundry. Took out the garbage, remembered it was garbage pickup tomorrow, so took it to the street. Debated whether to start dinner or wait until I know when husband will be home. Decided to wait. Stood surveying my home thinking, wow. This is what being a mom is like.

Tuesday, April 01, 2008


Reading my recent rants, it seems like my life revolves around the sleep habits of BabySon. This is unfair, as he's a charming little man. He laughs easily, smiles with his entire body, and loves people more than any toy. He's a little champ - we've begun feeding him some solids, and while he'll make the most horrible icky faces when new foods are introduced, his curiousity outweighs his distaste every time so far. Also? He cut his first two teeth with nary a fuss. No drooling (at least no more than most days), no screaming in the middle of the night, no weeks of fussy behavior - just a little surprise for mommy one morning when he chomped down on my finger.

That said, the current challenge is night weaning. My dear sweet little one loves to nurse off to sleep. I think that much of the pre-sleep angst over these many months is related to the times when his favorite tonic fails and he has to figure out some other way to enter dreamland. I've been lucky that since day one he would easily fall back to sleep in the middle of the night with a little nip...but this has also created the current situation. I'm done being awakened every two hours to help him back to sleep when I know he can sleep longer between feedings.

So last night it began. When he woke up after two hours, I rocked him. And rocked him. While he cried and pleaded and nuzzled into my chest. Heartbreaking doesn't begin to describe it - I had what he wanted right there, hidden only by a thin bit of fabric. I whispered to him, soothing words, incomprehensible words describing exactly why he couldn't have what he wanted. A couple of times he almost dozed off, but he's a persistent one, this boy of mine. Daddy came in after a while and took over. After what seemed like ages (but was really 30 minutes) I nursed him to sleep.

Will this work? Can I reprogram him to either a) spread out his feedings or b) fall asleep some other way or c) all of the above? I know on an intellectual level that this is a good start (and good practice for the pinnacle of childrearing - consistency), but at 3am when I'm holding a pleading, sad little baby it feels cruel.