waiting

My son was born at 37 weeks and 4 days gestation. Today I am 37 weeks and 5 days. My son was born 6 hours after I left work on my last day. Today is my 3rd workday since the commencement of maternity leave.

I'd like to say that I'm waiting patiently, because what other kind of waiting is there when you have no control?

In truth, though, I'm waiting with ambivalence. I'm huge and uncomfortable and can't do everything like I'd normally be able to. But with newborn in arms I'll be exhausted and sore and won't have a chance to do everything like I'd normally be able to. Every day that passes makes me fear for how big this baby will get, yet every night I snuggle with my son and know our time for such closeness is limited.

There's a full moon on Thursday. Maybe then?